Sometimes I wonder if I'm missing the point of all this blogging and photography at my age. Every blogger photographer I read lately that is my age or older all seem to be writing and taking pictures about gratitude and wrestling with their souls, trying to show some deep personal emotional part of themselves in their photos. Am I burying my head in the sand because I don't want to make my soul searching or my emotions public? By not writing or photographing about such subjects, am I not doing this blogging thing right? Is it wrong to put on a happy public face? Not wrong so much, but not what I should be doing with all the horror that is going on in the world these days.
This summer my family received tragic news that we're all grappling with and that has turned our worlds upside down into sadness. I've decided to not write about the daily struggle with our grief because frankly it's nobody's business but ours and that's really my approach to this space: I want to keep things here happy and bright and a glass half full place. There's so much sadness and despair and depression already in the air, who am I to add to it, and why would I want to? I chose to look at the world optimistically a long time ago after recovering from the grief of losing our infant son because I already experienced hell and the horror of that place. I could've chosen to stay in that place - - - it's still really tempting at times to fall down that hole - - - but I simply can't. Being happy and hopeful is the new person I chose to grow into after losing Christopher. I struggle with understanding people who have such hard times being happy. I want to understand why it is that they simply can't see the world as the glorious gift that it is. Yes, there are some horrible people that we have to share this planet with and, without getting into it, we just have to accept that those horrible people will continue to do those horrible things that they set out to do. We can either dwell on the horror or we can pray for love to trump that horror.
I don't spill my guts here because, well, I'd rather spill my guts to David or to my best friend over a cup of coffee. They're real and they get me. My photos here may not show a lot of emotion, but I do think they show a lot of me.
At least I hope they do.